Diners, Drive-Ins, & Dives - Tako-Hachibi Special (Flashback)

"Miss Moneta, I understand that because you delivered the final blow you must manage the resulting fame, but I do not believe that you should be entertaining this Aburame cook's idea of a 'celebration meal'."

Diana and her assistant Irene were currently making their way through the wreckage of the Heavenly Emporium, having received an odd note during her recovery after she had released her tenketsu to defeat the Indaina Kujira several days prior. She had been invited to partake in a feast by someone who went by the name of 'The Cockroach Cook.' She had heard a few rumors about the man over the years, usually negative ones, but the note had intrigued her in what the meal would contain; that of safely-made Bijuu Flesh. While Diana was not completely knowledgeable about the Bijuu themselves, she did know that consuming such a chakra-dense creature would cause extremely harmful effects to a person, like eating a brick of poison made by the Sage himself.

"I appreciate your concern Irene, but I have several precautions set up in the extreme case of something going wrong." Indeed, her acute sense of taste combined with her Gozu Tennō powers were a near-perfect combination against the dangers of this food, and if it was some sort of attempt to just kill the 'Hero of the Shinobi World', she'd be able to survive the dangers.

"I am not concerned about you surviving, that is almost assured. No, I am concerned over how those will view your actions here, as it could be seen as an unnecessary indulgence. Whether you like it or not, you are as famous as the Kage are, which means that every action you take will be scrutinized now." Diana didn't like to hear it, but Irene was right. While she had mostly gotten used to fame as the head of two clans, her new status was something the Diana of five years ago never would have dreamed of, be it positive or negative. But it couldn't be that different, right? She was still the same Diana as before, just with a few more tricks under her belt.

Almost reaching the address where she was supposed to meet this 'Cockroack Cook', she'd stop and take a few seconds to psyche herself up and have Irene take a quick look over her clothes before turning the corner to see what misbegotten building they were to be dining in.

The building that the Cockroach Cook had set up shop in was a abandoned restaurant but not just any restaurant. The spot was known as The Renown, a fancy dining establishment that had received stellar reviews from every foodie that had frequented the Heavenly Emporium. Getting a reservation at The Renown was like undertaking an S-Rank Mission. The waiting list was as long as Honiko's rap sheet and the prices were well out of the average shinobi's reach. The establishment's owner was rather proud of his business and prior to the War in Heaven he had plans to expand to every village on the Western half of the continent. Unfortunately, the battle against the Indaina Kujira had ended his dreams and his life. Both the owner and head chef had been killed in the conflict and their eatery reduced to a shadow of its former self.

The Cockroach Cook was never fond of The Renown and had been an early critic of their menu. He charged that one would need to have had their tastebuds blown out by an obscure respiratory illness to call the food they served "fine dining." At one time, The Cook had been temporarily barred from the Heavenly Emporium for picketing The Renown. The verbal abuse that he had hurled towards the customers and staff was enough to place a "peace disturbance" citation on his record, but that never deterred the Aburame. He took to mass mailing reviews to every random address he could get his hands on. The campaign of defamation and harassment only ceased when the restaurant and those responsible for its existence had died.  When he heard news of what had occurred, The Cockroach Cook scurried to the wreckage of the city. His purpose was two-fold: (1 ) gloat over the ashes of his fallen foe and (2) scavenge what was left of the deceased Bijuu to concoct a true work of art. The Cook thus pissed on The Renown's grave by claiming it as his new base of operations. It was from the grave of his enemy that he spawned the Tako-Hachibi a la Supreme. He had summoned a select group of heroes to feast on his glorious accomplishment but only two showed. One had made the mistake of trying to arrest him and the other had yet to show up.

When Diana arrived at the address she had been provided, one of the Cook's assistants came out to greet her. He was a mutton chested but short man. He waddled out of the restaurant and bowed deeply. He was wearing a beaten up and dirty tuxedo that was crawling with bugs.

"Lady Diana! Please come in! The Cook has been eagerly awaiting your arrival."

Assuming the Hero of the Shinobi World was not turned off by the scraggly waiter's appearance, he'd usher her into the restaurant. The interior of the building was completely destroyed. The tables were upturned, the windows broken, and the corpses of humans and Xenobeasts were strewn about. It was like a scene from Fallout minus the advanced technology. The Maitre d' showed Diana to one of the few standing structures in the restaurant. It was a marble countertop with velvet stools lined up against it. Behind her was a booth with a man sitting in it. The poor chap would be joining them for dinner in spirit for a giant cleaver was embedded into his skull. A voice bellowed from the kitchen in the back.

"My! My! Right on time for the sublime and divine! I'll be right with you my Queen just putting on the finishing touches!"

Turning the corner and looking at The Renown, she'd think back to the place and it's reputation. She herself had never dined there, but one of her Kotōshura clan members had, stating that the food was quite nice, but the place's atmosphere was where it truly counted, and the only reason Diana had heard said member went there was due to a large porcelain clay statute depicting their displeasure over being delivered one of the Cockroach Cook's letters. While Diana personally though the act of mass defamation was a bit...much, in a way it only added to her intrigue, and had placed a reservation by pulling a few strings with her clan head statuses for a nice dinner with herself and Titania to judge it for themselves.

At least they were able to get a refund.

As the two ladies approached and the assistant came to greet them, Diana kept her emotions in check as she noticed the bugs, giving a small bow herself, while Irene gave a curtsy. Aburame were, well there was no way to put it other then unnerving to her next to the Kamizuru, but at least the bee fanatics didn't have the bugs living inside themselves. She could respect the choice to have the bugs live inside them, but that was as far as she could go, not without modifying her physical sensory nerves first. At least the assistant tried to look presentable with the tuxedo, dirty or not, so that was a plus.

"Thank you, I have been looking forward to this 'Tako-Hachibi a la Supreme' that he has prepared; please lead the way."

Following the man in, Diana's architectural heart skipped a beat and her sensory unconsciously activated as she saw the internal wreckage of the dining establishment. The outside, while it wasn't pretty, had at least held on in some form, but the inside was so bad she could barely envision what it used to look like. The place had clear signs of many battles, and not all of those dead were shinobi. She fixed her gaze forward, letting her peripherals take in the damages as Irene made a loud enough exhale. This was the other reason Diana had brought Irene, to see how much of 'Uncle Kujira's' old personality had slipped through. so far nothing seemed amiss, and it would have brought a smile to her face were she not walking through a graveyard of culinary travesty.

And then she saw the dead man sitting at the booth, and she really had to hold it together. The whole contrast of the semi-pristine marble and velvet counter with the corpse of the man with a cleaver still inside of his head just...she was glad that at least he wasn't mutilated beyond recognition, though she had wondered if the Cook was the one to put the cleaver there in the first place. She was starting to think that maybe, just maybe this was a bad idea, but she was too far in now. As they'd both approach the booth, Diana would take a seat as Irene took the seat next to her, letting the Maitre d' pull out their seats if it was his job, and if not Irene would do it for him as Diana looked like she needed to sit down to the maid's knowing eyes.

With the voice of the Cook coming from the kitchen, they would both wait and see just...what this 'Tako-Hachibi a la Supreme' looked like. The name itself sounded close enough to takoyaki with the Eight-Tail's name attached to it, so it likely has some similarities to the regular meal...right?

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185/185 CP
Sensing Technique; 0.5 CP
184.5/185 CP

The Cockroach Cook would skin his Maitre d' alive if the man did not pull out Diana's chair for her. He wasn't running a garbage pail of a chum bucket. This was true fine dining at its height! Once Diana and her guest were seated, the roach infested host would take his place behind the counter.

"What would you lovely ladies like a drink? The Cook recommends a Sauvignon Blanc. The berries that make up this wine have been harvested from Bear Country's Hot Zone." Once he had their orders, the Maitre d', who was now functioning as a waiter, would prepare their drinks. A mad man's singing could be heard in the kitchen as the final seasonings were dashed on the Tako-Hachibi a la Supreme. Right after Diana and her guest were served their requested drinks, the doors of the kitchen would burst open. A tall man sporting a wreath of German-esque facial hair marched towards Diana. He was wearing the clothes of a Dandy but with a blood and sauce stained apron covering it. He had a wild and fanatical gleam in his eye. The sort of look shared by desperados, asylum lunatics, and men hopelessly in love. He held up a silver platter with a dome covering it. The dish was raised loftily as though it were a holy idol that the world must bow to. He leapt into the air and clicked his two feet together in jubilee without so much as causing a wobble. What a triumphant victory! To serve a Hero's Dish in the corpse-restaurant of his greatest foe.

The dish was gingerly placed in front of Diana. He had not intended to feed Irene. He would not be contaminating the glory of the Hachibi with appetizers, desserts, side-dishes or any other platters of food. The Cook felt that to do so would be a sacrilegious insult. This ambrosia was to be consumed by itself. Any mouth that was not savoring its succor would simply go empty. He placed a hand on the dome and ripped off the covering to reveal a spectacular sight.

A massive octopus tentacle roughly a foot high was curled upwards as though it were a fashion piece. The Bijuu meat was freshly steamed and seasoned to perfection. The end of the tentacle grasped a cooked apple whilst the sides of the tentacle were flanked with greens, lemons, and assorted nuts. The Cook deftly grabbed a small plate with one hand and retrieved an impressive looking cleaver from his apron. The cooking cloth was a veritable cache of sleek and dangerous looking cutlery. Thankfully, the Hero had nothing to fear from this Cook. The Tako-Hachibi a la Supreme was an aesthetic looking dish and the smell coming from it was tantalizing. There was of course one small problem.

It was crawling with insects.

Kikaichū beetles were running across every square inch of the meal. The Cook found their presence to only add to the mystery and awe of the dish. The small critters were like a dazzling display of fireworks, but they also held an important functional purpose. Each insect was coated in a specific combination of herbs and spices. By running along the meal, they were in effect flavoring it in precise and calculated ways. Human fingers simply could not marinate, sauté or otherwise embellish a dish with such minute detail. There were Kikaichū even coming out of the suction cups indicating that he had blessed even the soft internals of the meal. If Diana looked closely she could see that the Cook was now crying. He had spent countless hours studying the Hachibi, testing its properties and devising an airtight method to cook it. This was the culmination of many years in the culinary arts. No Cook could ever surpass such a feat. To see his assistants running along it one last time was a thing of true beauty. It was incomprehensible to his diseased mind that one might find such a tactic unappetizing.

Eventually, the Kikaichū would crawl off the tentacle and onto the Cook's hands. They'd run up his arms and bury themselves into his clothes and body. The Aburame winked and handed the cleaver to Diana. The man's voice trembled with emotion and one of his eyes appeared to have a strange glossy character to it.

"My Queen....allow me to present to you the Tako-Hachibi a la Supreme! If your Grace deems me worthy, I shall cut the first slice and serve you but if you wish....the honor is all yours" He was in essence leaving it up to her to decide. Would the Queen allow herself to be served and fed, or would she take the first bite of destiny herself?