A Shot to Dull the Pain

Kara knew she was being self deprecating, it was so unlike her usual confident demeanour. She certainly liked hearing such nice things being said about her, but it wasn’t until Azuma told her she was speaking irrationally that the true weight of his words hit home. She would sit shocked for a moment until she felt the smooth breath of silk across her face, a welcome distraction to the pain she was experiencing. The gentle act calmed her somewhat, her sobbing becoming quieter as she listened while trying to control her breathing.

He spoke of not making his mistakes and suppressing her emotions, and due to her current state she could see the value in his advice. Years of being ‘proper’ had led her to this moment and she would give just about anything to roll back time and undo it. She was ashamed of her weakness, of being a poor host, of drinking far too much. Her heart was aching and an agony filled her that she felt would burst her chest open if there was no release for it. Immediately upon hearing him tell her to cry if she needed to, a crack in the composure she managed to regain formed with sudden force. With a heart breaking sob she would lean forward and place her head on the larger man’s shoulder, clutching at the silken folds of his robe, seemingly for dear life. As she wept all thoughts of her current life and situation were swept away and flashes of her former life sped across her mind's eye. Dizzying images of grueling hours spent alone learning her craft, being forced to repeat the same cuts and sutures over and over again. Being considered untouchable, never receiving even the most chaste of embraces as validation of her existence. A life wrought with science and hard work, but never affection or joy. She felt hollow and the more she grieved her sorry reality the more a strange rage began to replace the anguish that threatened to overtake her being. Her grip would tighten on Azuma’s robe, knuckles turning white as snow as she managed to gasp out four words. “I can’t. . . stand it.”

It seemed his words had an effect on her, when he'd said she was saying irrational things, he'd see the shock on her face, but the gentle wiping of her tears seemed to calm the woman, if only slightly...for the moment at least. As she heard what he had to say, he'd be able to watch the moment she finally cracked, and the emotions she was feeling swept the woman's features. Azuma saw the cry coming, reading it in her face before she let it out...but he didn't see her going with his offer of a shoulder to cry on, feeling her lean against him and grip onto his top, Azuma a bit shocked when she did--eyes widening just a bit...before softening once more as he felt the woman press her face into his shoulder, hearing her sobs.

He simply let her cry on his shoulder, keeping still, eyes averted to the side as he was finding it hard to see her cry. He hated seeing any woman cry...but she needed to let out her emotions, and he felt a slight hint of him glad she was. This felt like a build up of years of issues, clearly this was more then just what she'd told him, more then some feelings of being unworthy, or having no friends. He'd shut his eyes for a moment while she cried on his shoulder, but as he felt her grip onto his Yukata even tighter, and manage to get a few simple words out between her sobs, his eyes burst open again, looking to her.

With much hesitation, his right arm--the previously burned and currently bandaged arm, would slowly come up--even hesitating again with a short pause in his motion, it wasn't a smooth one as he reconsidered his action. But he went on, and moments after she'd said how she can't stand it, the woman would feel a soft embrace, his single arm coming about her shoulders, and softly pulling her just that slight hint more against his shoulder--a subtle squeeze with the arm. He shut his eyes once more and his head lowered a little, keeping the arm around her for the moment. "You don't have to hold back your emotions all the time...bottling them up will only let it wash over you all at once...I make this mistake, but you're smarter then me...if you keep everything inside, it can eat you alive...." he'd say with a gentle kindness, but towards the end she should easily pick up the shift in his voice to a more serious tone...one that spoke from experience.

Sorrow...regret....crushing guilt...these was all emotions that Azuma was used to dealing with, and bottling them up regularly...it could only lead to moments like earlier, when he had a mental break and had shot out of his chair abruptly. But he was still making the mistake, bottling everything up, even now...he was a Shinobi after all, this was what was expected of him. Cold, emotionless, only the Mission mattered...but Azuma was still a human, he had emotions, he had flaws. She may feel the very slight shift of his hand around her shoulders gripping up into a loose fist...more or less his fingers curling as he scolded himself for being such a hypocrite. How could he tell her to not bottle it up, when he was guilty of it tenfold.

Kara was lost in a world of agony and self loathing. She had lost all physical feedback from around her, somewhere in the back of her mind she was still aware that she was sitting on a chaise in her home, leaning on a man she’d only just met as she cried out years of suffering that had left no tangible mark. It was surreal and she felt as though she might spiral away into the aether, until the comforting weight of Azuma’s arm settled around her shoulders. Briefly this caused her to weep all the harder, the simple act of a hug being something she couldn’t remember feeling. The one armed embrace helped her feel grounded, connected again to the corporeal realm, no longer floating through a sea of recently unburied and distressing recollections.

She would keep her face hidden in the satiny fabric of Azuma’s robe for many long minutes assuming he allowed it, her tears slowing and her breathing returning to a more steady rate. Once she felt more like herself again, her emotional ordeal fading away into the merciful void of tearful release, she would slowly attempt to turn her head to gain a view of his face from the dark haired shinobi’s shoulder. She found that somehow she felt lighter, as though an incredible weight had been lifted from her heart. She could feel that darkness was not gone, it lingered on the edges of her consciousness but it was held at bay for now by the compassionate words her current guardian had uttered. She would study what she could see of his face, she had felt his fist forming again as he’d held her and she wasn’t sure why. She had been so self absorbed she had forgotten that she was the healer here and that initially he had been her patient. Her voice was softer than usual, her cadence blending together with her words ever so slightly overlapping almost sleepily; her lamenting seemingly having sapped what little energy she’d had left. “You’re far too generous Azuma, I don’t know how to explain what your words mean to me. No one has ever been this kind to me, as far as I can recall anyway.” She would laugh weakly a bit of the darkness creeping in again. “I’ve been selfish though, are you alright? Because it does not seem to me that you are.”

He could hear her sobbing only get worse, but kept exactly like this for as long as she needed, which turned out to be a few minutes--the man continuing to give her this half embrace as she got the emotions out of her system. Azuma wasn't usually the type to hug others...reality was, the only woman he'd ever held in his arms was Ei, she was the only one he had such a close connection to, the man not feeling awkward or embarrassed to pull her close. Kara, this was different. He felt that hint of awkward, but...he wished to help her not make the mistakes he did, and if this is what she needed--a friend's shoulder to cry on--he'd be a man of his words and offer that shoulder.

As these moments passed, she was slowly calming down, the sobs weakening--her breathing slowly returning to a normal pace. Azuma's eyes opened around the time she was finally 'calm', or at least as calm as she was going to get for the moment. He kept his gaze forward, looking off over Kara to basically who knows what--a wall, window, whatever really was behind her chaise lounge he could 'focus' on...although focus really wasn't the word for it, he was focused on his own thoughts and this thoughtful expression could be read on his face. He felt her shift a little, her head turning to look up at him from his shoulder. His eyes never shifted, still looking off somewhere behind her, a cold hint of thinking too much seemingly exuding from his multi-colored hues.

Azuma's ears burned with the soft and exhausted voice of the woman, finally breaking him from these thoughts, his eyes looking down to see her looking up to him--a moment the honey hues would meet Azuma's amber orbs. He'd listen to her express her appreciation for his words, that they had meant something to her. Following a almost sad chuckle it seemed she would ask if he himself was ok. This is when Azuma would go ahead and end the physical contact, his arm removed from her shoulders, and with a step back, he would stand back up straight. He almost stumbled, visibly wobbling as his knees screamed at him for having been knelled down like that so long. Even Shinobi wasn't immune to achy joints it seemed. Still, his features remained seemingly void of emotion, and eyes almost looked as if they was seeing entirely different scenes, blank to this reality while watching another.

"I'm fine." is all he'd answer with, voice solid and more akin to the tone he had when they first met, the voice of a jaded Shinobi worn out by battle and a long night. His eyes shifted, moving off from her to glance off to the side, finding a window to look out...it was late at this point, a nigh silent sigh breathed out as he looked out the window. "...You're not being selfish...no more then I was earlier with my outburst at least...everyone needs a moment to breathe and let their emotions out...I hope you feel a bit better, even if its only a bit of weight off your shoulders..." he'd go on to say after a moment of him looking out the window.

As Azuma stood Kara winced a bit in sympathy, it was clear that she didn’t have the most comfortable of floors to be kneeling on for that long. Shinobi were an interesting people, primarily it seemed their purpose was to completely ignore their own discomfort in favor of the comfort of those around them. This was a fact she would have to be mindful of in the future, she didn’t want to unintentionally exploit that type of temperament. She would watch him curiously as he seemed to stare off into the darkness outside, she couldn’t be sure that this was some unconscious movement on his part or not. She didn’t take him for the type to hint at things, more of a direct type of person but out of politeness she figured she should probably offer him release from the current social obligation he had been roped in to.

Taking the palms of her hands and gently sweeping the remainder of her tears away, Kara would rise from the chaise and softly walk over towards the kitchen intent on cleaning up the mess that had been made. She dearly would have loved to leave it until after she had slept, but proper medical protocol dictated otherwise. The fact that she had left it as long as she had was bad enough, it wouldn’t do for her to start falling into less hard working and attentive ways simply because she decided that drinking a bottle of sake was a good idea.

While tidying Kara became acutely aware of the blade she had stored in her boot and would carefully remove it and place it on the table so that she could examine it once she was finished. Now that she was doing something that made her feel more like herself her voice would return to it’s soothing and matter-of-fact sound as she addressed the towering brooding man. “I don’t want to keep you held hostage here you know. I am feeling much better now and it is quite late, while you’re more than welcome to take your ease here if you wish I won’t at all be offended if you’d like to be on your way.” She would pause in her speaking as she finished tossing away all of the used bandages and placed her metal tools in the sink she had dedicated to them. “As for business, consider yourself hired. And you should know that the health and wellbeing of my employees are paramount to my happiness, so should you find yourself in any type of emergency please do not hesitate to call on me. Any time of the day or night.”

His eyes shifted back to the young doctor as she had risen from her seat, and watching her as she had walked back into the kitchen, cleaning up the mess from earlier. He'd take a moment to look around her house again, eyes glancing about while she cleaned...was better then his place, thats for sure. He was sort of tiring of living in such a bland home...this wasn't helping. Finally she spoke up, him turning back to face her. He blinked,and raised and eyebrow at the hostage comment. He'd let her finish up before responding.

"And here I thought I was trapped here forever." he said with just a bit more joking and normal, smooth tone, giving her a slight smile after. He walked over closer to her, noticing the kunai she had placed out--recognizing it from the Tavern earlier. "I see you picked up the kunai from earlier...maybe find a way to keep it on you, never know when it'll be useful some day..." he said with a bit more of a serious tone, but still with a friendly hint to it. He turned to look at her again. "I'll be sure to come bug you next time I loose an eye." he joked--even though one look at his face screamed the truthfulness behind his joke, him giving a very light chuckle following.

With a small sigh he turned about and would begin heading for the door, stopping when he neared it. "Well...I'll be seeing you. If you need to get a hold of me...well you can just come over to my place, or just bug the messenger pigeon guys--they know me and can have me there within a minute and a half if I am home." he would explain, before revealing how to find his home. After his hand would reach for the door knob and he'd begin to exit, pausing to look back at her. "...Feel free to bug me if you just ever need someone to lend an ear...I...look forward to working with you, Kara." he said with a bit of a sheepish smile. He gave her a moment to respond if she was going to, before stepping out the door...on his way home.

--Exit post.

She would laugh at his joke; glad to see him at least with a small smile. As he pointed out the weapon and its name she was pleased that she wouldn’t have to ask someone what it was called, being as her entire self worth was rooted in being the smartest person in the room not knowing something was a tragedy to her. “Keep it close, I suppose I can figure out some way to do that. It’s such a strange shape though it’d probably ruin the line of my dress if I keep it anywhere other than my boot.” His joke about his eye managed to confirm her earlier suspicions of it being an injury and she didn’t laugh until he did, a reserved giggle that she hoped wouldn’t be interpreted as meanness.

She would listen closely as he instructed her on where he lived and how to reach him. She knew it would not have been difficult for her to discover on her own, but she patiently allowed his explanation. A man of his rank and power was not exactly easy to hide, especially from her. But she nodded politely all the same, she’d found that internalizing her analysis made it easier for her to get along with most people. As she watched him move to go through the door she was surprised by his final words. It almost seemed to her like he wanted to share in her company. The prospect of actually having a friend was exciting to her, but after having freed herself of many pent up emotions that evening she found it all the easier to maintain her calm. “I look forward to working with you as well, Azuma. And I hope that our next meeting will involve less blood and tears.” She would smile and give a polite bow as the man stepped out the door and into the dark. Closing the door behind him she returned to her work, mulling over the events of the evening just past.

{Exit Thread}