My Last Goodbye to all of my Friends <3

Hey guys, I know it's been awhile since I've been on and updated anybody on how everything is going. There's a good reason for that, and it's a reason I've been struggling to accept ever since I found out. I promise that it isn't because I don't like you guys and just didn't want to come back or anything like that. I really enjoyed my time here on gladius and a majority of my time on TNR, but life just hasn't been too kind to me. There's really not any way to say this nicely or to beat around the bush either, so I'm just... gonna spit it out.

I have late stage ovarian cancer that has spread to other parts of my body, my lungs being one part. My chances of survival are, well... not very likely. I'm essentially the one in a million chance where every possible thing that could have gone wrong, did. I've always had painful periods with debilitating cramps which is one reason why the computer was my go to and is how I found you guys all those years ago and there were a few other things that just lined up too perfectly to catch this in time. The treatments haven't been going well and all I've been able to do is stall the progression slightly, but there's really nothing I can do to stop it altogether. It's just too far gone.

Please, I urge all of the women on the site to go get a screening done to check for this. You can catch it early before the symptoms start to show up with just one precautionary scan. It isn't something that can be caught in a regular OBGYN check up most of the time. Please, please ladies, protect yourself. I don't want to preach to you all, but I don't want any woman to have news like this dumped on their lap. Please, use my example and get yourself screened even if you have to skip out on rent for a month to do so. It's not worth your life, and that's something I've had to accept.

That acceptance was not easy, but I think I've gotten to the point where I can accept my fate. I haven't been on here because I've been enjoying the little bit of time I've got left with everyone in my family and my closest friends. Not that you guys aren't my friends, but my roleplaying site just hasn't been at the forefront of my thoughts.

You all are my friends, my good friends, even if I've never met any of you before in person. The adventures and fun times I had from Poroma to Akame and across two different sites are times that I will cherish in the coming months. It is one of the highlights of my life to have been able to take part in creating something that you all can have fun taking a part in, even if there was a lot of arguing over trivial things here and there lol. I've got another spring in me and maybe another full summer before my time is up and I plan to spend that time doing all the things I've wanted to do that I can still do.

I don't want to die, I don't want to leave my family or any of you, but I don't have a choice. Even as I type this my hands are shaking and I can't stop myself from crying. I'm terrified, I'm angry, I'm sad, but I'm also happy. Happy that I got to spend part of my life interacting with amazing people like all of you. I know I didn't know some of you for very long, but I still cherish you all the same. I hope you all won't mind me taking time to do a few individual goodbyes for the guys I've known the longest though. I would make one for all of you but I don't think I could make it through without breaking down and crying and I refuse to do any more of that than I already have.

Nyg, you were the one who opened my eyes to the hypocrisy of TNR. The one who gave me the idea to maybe try to split off and start something new, somewhere where all that bullshit just didn't exist. You helped me with ideas, opened my mind to new perspectives, and are an all around fun person to roleplay with. I love your logic, even if we don't agree on everything, and most of my most fun threads were spent with you. Wiping out Waterfall just to flip the staff at TNR off is still the one thread I consider the most fun one I've ever done. I hope you graduate law school top of your class and that you smash that BAR exam like Naisu smashes pans. You're a good man with a good head on his shoulders and I'm glad to have known you even for a little bit. Keep being you, Nyg, and thank you for the fun memories <3

Zoom Zoom, I'm not sure if you're even on the site anymore but I wanted to write a thank you to you as well. You were one of the ones on TNR who helped me see the shenanigans as well and you showed me how to fight in a thread without getting absolutely stomped. You were honestly the one I learned the most from simply by reading the things you had already done on TNR, let alone everything that came afterwards. You're a funny guy, especially when you've had a bit too much to drink XD and you brought that quality onto the site more often than not. Every thread you were a part of I looked forward to reading because I knew that someone was going to get fucked and they probably weren't going to like it. You're smart and driven to succeed, and I hope your career as an engineer pans out into something great. Keep crushing it Zoom Zoom <3

And last but certainly not least, there's Zach. You too helped me see the bullshit on TNR and are probably the person I've gotten along with the most. You're a laid back dude who isn't afraid to speak his mind. So much so that you got your own chat in discord just so your creativity wasn't stifled haha. You taught me a ton about roleplaying too, especially on how to conserve what supplies and resources I had as well as how to play defensively. You helped fundamentally change how I roleplayed the entire time we were on the same site and I learned something every time we did a thread together. You're a smart man and I wish you nothing but the best in life, wherever that takes you. Keep being the best sensei Zach <3


Like I said, I feel this way in some form or another about all of you guys but I just can't take the strain of typing it all out. I'd probably exceed the character limit for a single post if I did haha. You all have given me some of my most cherished memories and they will definitely be some of what I'm thinking about when my final moments finally come. Gladius was like a second home to me, and I'm glad that I was able to be a part of the community even if it was for just a brief moment in time.

All of you are lovely angels and I wish you all the best in life. I hope you all get to grow old and have families of your own to teach and roleplay with as time goes on. You're a fantastic community and I'm honored to have known each and every one of you. This is going to be my final log in to both gladius as well as discord as I plan on tossing my computer to focus on what's in front of me. I've got a date tonight, too, so I have to redo all my makeup haha.

I wish you all the best, and I love you all dearly! And remember, life is too short to be angry. It's just not worth it <3


Love, Tsuyo~

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

I... don't even know what to say, I didn't get to know you s long as the others, but I can say makes sure you tie any loose knots and apologize and talk to people so you have no regrets. I will miss you despite not knowing you long, I would say sorry but saying sorry won't fix whats wrong. Just cherish the time you have left and make sure you try to tell off anyone or reconcile with anyone you can while you have time. I wish you the best and hope for a peaceful rest of your life.

Dear Tsuyo,

I'm so sorry that you had to go through this. I can't imagine what you must be feeling and if I could, I'd reach through the internet and give you a great big hug. It has been an honor and pleasure roleplaying with you and having you help us create Gladius. You are a Founder of this site and everything that Gladius is today is all thanks to your effort. To this day I'm impressed with the lore that you have created for Gladius. The intricacies, the depth, the history, all of it comes from one beautiful and creative mind. You've laid such a great foundation for us that we all owe you a debt of gratitude for making this place the success that it is.

I'm happy that I was able to be a positive influence on you and I can tell you that you have done the same for me. Your are tenacious, intelligent, independent-minded, and passionate. You always refused to go along with the herd when you could clearly see when things were unfair and that's why I wanted you to be a apart of this site. This activity could use more roleplayers like you and I'm so happy that you decided to join us. I remember you being so new to roleplay in comparison to many others who had been doing this activity for a decade or more. Yet within the span of a year, you became one of the most nuanced, strategic, and tactical combat roleplayers I've ever met. I sincerely believe that Tsuyo Heiwana is one of the most well-built and meticulously crafted characters I've seen on a stat-based system. But for all your strategy and hunger for success, you never lost sight of character development and creating a good storyline. That's why I absolutely loved roleplaying with you.

Doesn't matter if it was Liesel and Tsuyo sparring, Bobii and Fuji training together, or Sasuke and Fuji doing their epic raid on Waterfall (man fuck those foreigners lmao)...you always brought out the best in my writing. I'd have loved to create more stories with you here on Gladius. I loved the characters you have created thus far. Nikyuo Yuki is still my favorite Gladius Kage and all your other characters (Tsuyo Hyuuga, Akame, Bryn, and Itaken) were phenomenal. While I will ensure that your plot lives on, I have extraordinarily big shoes to fill in terms of roleplaying the legendary Hizashi.

As a staff member you introduced some great ideas to the site and while we did not always agree, I always admired your passion and vigor. You don't roll over nor do you buy superficial excuses and that's what I always appreciated about you as a staffer even if I was occasionally frustrated by it lol. Thank you for the well-wishes and I whole-heartedly believe that you could have made a good lawyer or really any other job you set your mind to. You are smart, principled, charming, and have a success oriented attitude. I am proud to have been a part of your RP journey.

I know the future is looking bleak right now but I have 100% confidence in you. You'll do all the things that you've wanted to do in the time you have and you are going to enjoy these moments with your family and friends. If there is one thing I've learned about you its that you do not let anyone steal your joy. Ever. You know how to have fun no matter how much people try to nerf you, talk you down, or conspire against your characters. You always get back up. If I had to take a bet on you beating this thing, I would bet on you ever single time.

I know you are heading off now and Gladius is behind you but we will always remember you. I love you a ton and I wish you the best <3

Love,
Nyg

To Tsuyo,

I hope you'll still read this, but if not that's okay too. I have to start by telling you that your post bothers me. It bothers me a lot. I don't usually post on absences. I hate goodbyes with a passion, and absences to me are just that on a minor scale. You left us before, many times. And each time you returned. I supposed I got too used to that, to a point at which when you posted your diagnosis absence I didn't post there either and simply shrugged it off while telling myself "She'll come back. She always does."

And the reason your post bothers me so much, is because I'm starting to realize you might not. You might really not. And that bothers me to an extent I didn't think would be possible.

I remember when you joined tnrpg, and our first meeting there. How angry you were when I had Kohai use Genjutsu Binding on Tsuyo. I could tell then you were a woman with strong beliefs, and later when Gladius was created that suspicion was confirmed every time you passionately defended your positions. Sometimes with too much passion might I add, but that has always been part of who you are and we had all grown to like you nonetheless.

I can't say all we had were good moments. We often didn't see eye to eye. Still, we had a few... the most recent one I remember was when we considered setting Itaken on amaterasu fire and having him run around an enemy village. I had a good laugh then. But I also distinctively remember you telling Nyg and I to fuck off when I claimed the bijuu on Aki. For what it's worth, I'll miss that too.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'll miss it all. Not just the good moments but the bad ones too. From Nikuyo's amazing posts to the headaches I got from arguing with you, from the crazy plans with Itaken to the "Oh shit here we go again..."' when I saw you typing on Suggestions chat. I'll miss that. All of that. And I'll miss you.

I don't think there's anything I can say that will make you feel better. I have no idea what it is like to be in your position right now, and I hope I'll never find out. Even so I decided to type this, maybe to selfishly make myself feel better. To better deal with the fact that you might really leave us.

The one thing I'd like you to know is... You've had an impact. What you did here, on this site, on the discord chat, on staff chat, all of your interactions with us. They mattered. Gladius wouldn't be what it is today if it were not for you and your tsuyoish stubbornness, and for that we should all be grateful. And I'm not just thinking of your help in creating the site, or Nikuyo's posts, or Itaken's moments. I'm also thinking of the arguments we had, the rage quits, the frustrations. It mattered. All of it. And I will miss it all. There will forever be an empty space on Gladius without you.



I sincerely hope you'll come back, I sincerely hope you'll return but if not, know that I'll miss you, you stubborn lass who I'd very much like to have called a friend more often. I really, really, really will.

Saudade, Lyon~

"The best are always first to go.", is a saying I've heard and unfortunately had to use too often. I may not know you, but from the posts above it looks very much it'd apply to you too. I'm sorry to hear about your fate and that you have to leave us sooner than later. For what it's worth from a stranger, do enjoy your days while you can. I hope wholeheartedly they bring you much joy and warmth.